Clad in bright, patterned clothing, with hearts painted on her cheeks, Los Angeles-based electronic dance music DJ and producer Ducky is the picture of happy-go-lucky, innocent fun. The title of her most recent EP, Optimism, is also testament to her “look on the bright side” attitude. But unlike her album artwork, colorful attire, and upbeat sound, life hasn’t always been flowers and butterflies for Ducky.
“When I started producing, I was 13 and I was in this very fucked up home,” she said. “It was literally a coping skill. Music was solely an outlet.”
Now 28 years old, music has carried Ducky through battles with both bipolar disorder and addiction. And in the process of healing and forming a new relationship with herself, she developed a new relationship with music as well.
“Something I was worried about, as I grew into recovery, was whether I was going to be able to be creative,” she said. “Trauma and the processing of pain were such an integral part of my creativity for so long. The more I’ve developed as an artist, the more I’m able to create art out of all my life experiences and not just chaos.”
The first track on Optimism, “The Only One,” opens with an up-tempo beat reminiscent of an early Nintendo video game. Melodic vocals layer into the track: “I got so silly this month and I’m struggling. With suffering of what was a thing of my youth… For so long I did the thing I knew was wrong. I couldn’t help but to believe I was the only one.”
This song, like so many of her others, tells a piece of her story.
“As shitty as I felt, it’s always inspired hopeful music out of me,” she said. “I could not tell you why that is. Even when I feel the saddest, I write the prettiest, happiest songs.”
Not only was music a coping mechanism in her early life, creativity runs deep in her veins and has always found a way to come out. Ducky, whose given name is Morgan Neiman, studied dance seriously until age 13, in hopes of becoming a professional. A born performer, she danced in the studio and at home — for the video camera — often stealing the spotlight from her sister. Her early penchant for music came to light when, at age seven, she started her first band, called “Puff Unlimited.”
“I was writing really shitty knock-offs of popular songs that we would sing,” she said. “And I was designing websites for [the band] because I knew basic HTML.”
When an injury prevented Ducky from enrolling in a prestigious dance conservatory, her life plan pivoted and she focused everything she had on music. She began DJing nightclubs at 13, using a fake ID.
“Basically as long as I was a functional, semi-human being with some agency over where I went, I was in the club,” she laughed. “It’s such an important part of my identity. It’s the place where I feel the most at home.”
Despite an early introduction to nightlife, Ducky does not blame the dance music and club scenes for her struggle with substance abuse. Still, she is the first to admit it is no secret that EDM and club culture are both drug heavy and drug accepting. The fact that she has remained in the scene while maintaining her sobriety — and still frequents clubs as both a patron and a performer — is a testament to her love and devotion to the dance music community.
“I think it’s really important now for someone who is sober and stays sober to just be visible. I’m not sure that everyone is conscious that it’s possible because it is so drug heavy in the club scene and so widely permissible and almost expected.”
Last month, Ducky came out as genderfluid and nonbinary (She uses both she/her and they/them pronouns). In this way, too, she is bringing visibility and representation to her community. She is making others feel welcome in the place that has always felt the most like home to her.
“I fell in love with raves because I felt like I was allowed to be unapologetically myself — someone who was figuring themselves out,” she captioned a recent Instagram post addressing the outpouring of support from her fanbase. “Years later you’re showing me that’s still true. I’m so overwhelmed by the love and support as I find myself and share myself.”
Ducky’s first headline tour, appropriately titled the Blue Skies Ahead Tour, would have kicked off on March 21st at Beyond Wonderland, an EDM-focused music festival in San Bernardino, California. However, due to COVID-19 concerns, her tour has been postponed. But even this hiccup has not deterred the resiliently hopeful musician. She has turned to the popular video game streaming platform Twitch to live-stream music to her fans worldwide three times per week. She is also hard at work on her first full-length album. Ducky’s optimistic message is certainly apt for the times, and something that can serve us all to take to heart.
“I don’t always feel like an optimist, but what I think I actually am is practical,” she said. “And optimism is practical. It never serves me to look at the shitty side of things or expect the worst.”
Photos: Sean Moore