According to researchers at Columbia University, depression has been on the rise for decades. For the most part though, it’s being treated the same way it would’ve been half a century ago: orange bottle prescriptions.
But as Jeremy Lindenfeld tells us, some people, like Sophie, have dipped their toes into a more taboo treatment— the world of psychedelics.
Sophie was diagnosed with depression at 12 years old. I won’t be using her last name because actions portrayed later on could land her in some trouble. Like a lot of other kids, growing up was hard for her, but in Sophie’s case, that difficulty has never really gone away.
SOPHIE: My earliest memories are having to get dropped off at preschool and I just felt really, really scared. I was that kid who was crying and screaming and wouldn’t let go of my mom. I was just so scared…that kind of set a path for me where I always felt like people didn’t want me around or felt like I was too much of a burden or just like there was something inherently wrong with me.
Sophie’s tried lots of things to fight her depression. She’s been going to therapy for over a decade and has been prescribed six SSRI’s and antidepressants. She didn’t think anything would make a dent. But then in college, someone introduced her to magic mushrooms. She was hesitant at first, afraid of a bad trip, but after swallowing her fear and 3 grams of shrooms mixed into a strawberry-mango smoothie, Sophie found the reprieve she was looking for.
SOPHIE: The overwhelming message or theme of that trip was ‘oh, I’m so in control or I’m so valuable’ like I felt like a part of life where as I think at times I feel detached from everything…I felt really valuable and part of everything.
The ‘afterglow’ of Sophie’s first trip lasted over a year. Sophie has tripped 3 more times since and recently, she felt ready to do it again. So, she chopped up a few grams of dried-up mushrooms, soaked them in a honey-lemon tea, and began her 5th therapeutic trip.
SOPHIE: Okay so I’m going to take my first sip…nice, tastes very lemony. I put enough lemon juice in it. Yeah, really not gross at all.
Taking shrooms in a tea causes quicker effects than eating them raw. So, after just 30 minutes of transcendental YouTube lectures, Sophie started feeling something.
SOPHIE: I’ve already noticed though, I’m having so many conversations in my head. Good conversations though, like I’ll do something, and I’ll hear a voice be hard on me about it and then I’m like ‘let’s unpack that.’ Just a lot of that going on. Which is cool, it’s exactly what I wanted to do.
Once they kick in, they kick in. ‘The peak’ lasts a few hours. People who take high doses experience visual and auditory hallucinations, and what’s called ego-death, a complex phenomenon where a user’s sense of self dissolves. Sophie takes a lower dose so, outright hallucinations are rare. But still, her experiences can be intense.
SOPHIE: I just had a great moment in the bathroom where I just was looking at the bathmat cause it was doing a bunch of cool stuff. I don’t know, i think I just realized like, I have been like, searching for so much self-love stuff and like reading all these books and trying to figure out how to kind of conjure it from within so that I never feel like I’m without love, but I’m like, I have so much love on the outside, like, I don’t even need to do that. There’s so many people that love me.
Sophie looks forward to these moments even though they take an emotional toll. Part of her psychedelic healing process is confronting the negative thoughts she has while she is sober. The goal is to see them from a new perspective that’s sometimes impossible to access without chemical help.
SOPHIE: I’m happy that Sophie knows she can take mushrooms and feel alive. And I feel like other people who are depressed should have this and should know that like…you know, I just never feel this way in life. Just so vivacious and reminded of the true flame that is within all of us. The hum that is behind the refrigerator.
The day after Sophie’s trip, most of the effects have worn off. But parts of her trip remain.
SOPHIE: I feel like a renewed sense of gratitude, and I feel really thankful for everything in my life in a way I didn’t feel like I could the past couple weeks feeling really depressed. I feel like I’m in that afterglow stage. I’m better able to notice things around me in the world and I feel more present. So, yeah it was a really good trip.
More than half a century of research has shown that psychedelics are effective at treating depression and anxiety. But for now, their use is still largely illegal. Lack of regulation means Sophie never really knows what’s in her tea and if the cops ever caught her, she could face jail time. But for her, the legal medications just aren’t as effective.
SOPHIE: This is the kind of shit Zoloft cannot do for me, like, you know?
More research and clinical trials are being done right now, so potentially, people with depression will be able to use psychedelics in the very near future.